Tomorrow we leave for China, where we will spend almost five months and I will teach spring semester at United International College. When we reach Hong Kong at about midnight on Wednesday we will have been traveling for over 25 hours. We will sleep in Hong Kong, and the next day we will take the ferry to mainland China.
That very matter of fact paragraph does not capture the anxiety I feel as we once again head out. One of the very big lessons of this year is trying to make friends with uncertainty. My anxiety about negotiating a new city in a completely foreign country is relatively low in proportion to my anxiety about leaving my family (my mom, who is in a nursing home, and my husband who is holding the fort) here in St. Peter.
Before I left in October I had picked up a used copy of Harold Kushner’s book Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in an Uncertain World. I liked the title, but the issues he addressed are not really the issues that unhinge me. I am not concerned about being involved in a terrorist incident, but I practically have an aneurysm if Bob or Josh doesn’t reply to text message from me in a timely manner.
Right now I need Christopher Robin to remind me that I am “braver than I believe,” and writer Anais Nin to remind me that “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage,” and poet Mary Oliver to remind me that “when it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.”
Leaving home is always hard, but I am as ready as I will ever be to take this next corner of the world into my arms.
Safe Travels today Michele and Josh!
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