Wings

My father was 41 years old when I was born, and I was 41 years old when my son, Josh, was born.  Because my dad was a police officer he was profoundly aware of the fragility of life.  He never really expected to see his three children live into adulthood, and his parenting slogan was “I am not always going to be here, so you need to learn to take care of yourself.”  This morning, as I sent Josh off on his own to catch the shuttle to take him to the other side of the city, I realized how much of that attitude I carry with me. 

Fortunately, my dad lived to be almost 87 years old, and for most of those years he continued to take care of me in a number of ways.  Still, I take nothing for granted in life.  I hope with all my heart that I live a long and healthy life and live to see Josh well into his adult years.  Drawing on an over used cliché, I spent the first decade of his life trying to give him strong roots.  I now believe it is my job to give him opportunities to stretch and strengthen his wings.  I want those wings to carry him wherever he chooses to go in this life and recognize I could be laying the groundwork for those wings to carry him far away from me.

It is with this awareness I find the time we are spending together all the more precious.  Before we left on this journey I had joked with many of my friends that I hoped Josh and I would still be on speaking terms by the end of this year.  At home we regularly bash heads over the most mundane things - his music is always too loud, his cell phone battery dies and he is unreachable, and his diet of pizza and coke makes me insane.  All of which are typical ingredients for tensions between parents and teenagers.  While traveling together we rarely argue.  We laugh a lot and, most importantly, we take care of each other. 

Before we left in October I was speaking to my mom about my anxiety concerning the upcoming trip.  I realized the last time I had really challenged my own wings and taken a big leap into the unknown was in 1981 when I left my position as a high school biology teacher at Apple Valley High School, and moved to Tempe, AZ, to pursue my Master of Fine Arts in Dance at Arizona State.  I have most happily been with my husband (and best friend) for 26 years, at Gustavus for 23 years, and lived in the same house for 22 years.  As you can see, I am not really big on change.

While I believe in the power of words, I believe more strongly in axiom, actions speak louder than words.  So here we are.  Whatever convoluted logic got us here – I am happy we are here.